Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
