I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
