I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
