why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
