I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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