Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I party with great urgency now.
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