in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So vagazzling was a success
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
