I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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