opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
