Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
