I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
