Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
