I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
