An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
