i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
