my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
