Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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