You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
