just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
But we have bathrooms and they dont
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
