Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
