mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I understand Curling. That high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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