Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
