could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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