am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
