Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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