I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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