I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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