If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
