I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
