Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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