I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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