I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
false alarm, still single
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
