Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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