Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
