hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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