Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
