We won't sleep together?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
