my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
