so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Let's paint friendship bongs
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
