I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
