just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
