doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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