I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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