think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
