Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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