guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
