'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
