I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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