I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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