my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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