i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
