I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
