he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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