well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
