like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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