Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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