Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
